Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
