Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
