at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
