I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
