This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
