Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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