I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
