Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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