New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
