My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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