he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
