If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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