I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
