They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
