She is in my trunk
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
