I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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