you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
