Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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