Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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