You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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