We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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