it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
