A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
