I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
