You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize