I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
