I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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