If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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