obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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