i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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