Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
