when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
