theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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