but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
