are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
