i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I need to align my fucking chakras
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
