Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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