I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
