i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
