yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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