i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
