what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize