it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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