WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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