What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
