I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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