I have demons in me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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