Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
