I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
