My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My cat gives me a boner
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
