Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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