you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
