Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
