Can Purell be used as lube?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
