Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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