oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
