First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Michael Bay diarrhea
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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