So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
