I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
