its not stalking. its research.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
