I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
