ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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