I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
