Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
