So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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