I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
