Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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