Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
