Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
