Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize