I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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