Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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