In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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