i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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