Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
