Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
