Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
