The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
