I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
