Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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