Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
