Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
