Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
handjob tips. give me some.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
