Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
