this beer tastes like vomit already
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
