I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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