Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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