so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
