She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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