You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
