Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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