she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
