And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
