there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
