Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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