You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
