It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
