I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
