I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
