do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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