ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
