Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
