he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize